Sunday, February 8, 2009

The week that was or wasn't

It's sunday evening and I'm sitting here listening to sad songs and thinking back on the week that was or wasn't so great. To start things off, my dad had a heart attack on Monday. This comes only after me envisioning me losing my dad a week prior to this. Ever since I lost my boyfriend Bobby to a horrific plane crash, I've had moments where I get really emotional thinking about losing the people I love the most.

The news came as I walked the aisles of Home Depot looking for wallpaper, lamps, fans -- just anything that could improve my home or give me something to do. After I heard the news, I went to the carwash and spent $15 + $5 for a tip. Thinking back, I wonder if I ventured to the carwash because of my dad as I know that washing cars is one of his most favorite things to do in the whole world. In fact, we had just discussed how bad I needed a car wash and could use his help -- since he was the expert.

On Wednesday, John and I took Ashley to a pediatrician ENT to further explore why Ashley could not pass a hearing test. Just last week, we had her tested at the elementary school and then at her pediatrician. After the third hearing test, it was confirmed -- Ashley has hearing loss. The recommendation made by the doctor was that Ashley have tubes put into her ears as the fluid in her ear may be why Ashley is suffering from hearing loss. Without a blink of the eye, we scheduled the surgery. As we considered dates, we were faced with a roadblock -- Health Insurance. We have group health insurance; however, our family deductible is $5,000. The surgery cost about $1500 for the tubes and then another $1500 for the hospital -- All of which have to be paid before the actual surgery. While we have the money, it was supposed to be used to pay our taxes in April. Now we would have to work even harder to save even more money to be able to give our daughter what she needs to be able to hear adequately.

The week continued on -- John and I not doing too well. On the outside, we are a picture perfect family but on the inside it's crumbling. As I scour the photos down the hall, we look amazing, perfectly happy! It's not until I think about the moments in which those photos took place that I start to weep. Behind the scenes, it's a struggle. A struggle to find balance between two people that are just completely different. I think back to 10 years ago and wonder how two people who were so different came together as one and now we can't even enjoy each other's company.

What happened? John has always said we were a different kind of family, a family that would beat the odds, a family that would stick together no matter what! We always said that families give up too easily on each other and get divorced before even trying to reconcile. So here I am on this Sunday evening sitting in the present, reflecting on the past, and thinking about the future. What's next in the Jansky chapter? Will we survive this rough patch? Only time will tell!

It's been a tough week, a tough week indeed and this song sums up how I feel at this very moment! Looking back, I'll probably laugh and think it's cheesy -- but tonight, tonight it's perfect!

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it, Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I Got to keep trying Got to keep my head held high
Theres always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes were gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
The pain I’m knowing
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going And I,
I got to be strong Just keep pushing on,
Theres always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes were gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb
Theres always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes were gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith Keep your faith

Monday, January 26, 2009

Just Blogs!

So yesterday, I decided to put all of my myspace blogs onto blogger.com, this site. I find it makes it easier to write and share! I read through each one as I posted them and started to laugh at my candid humor. Most times when writing blogs I have some sort of sensor or at least I thought I did. I feel it's good to remain relatively decent; however, I find that the blogs I enjoy the most are the ones that are very raw and straight to the point!

I also found that without these blogs, I would have probably forgotten the memory or maybe changed the memory in my head. I would've never remembered that John and I watched Average Joe the night before Ashley was born, or that the NCAA basketball tournament was in town the day Ashley had her first soccer game. These are quite random details, yet they make the story all that more interesting!

As I celebrate, vent or divulge about the things that happen in the life of the Jansky's, please feel free to comment and share your own stories! After all, it's the stories we tell that create a bond between two people!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Spurs Night!

This past Friday, John, Ashley and I went to a Spurs game for our family night out. We weren't sure what to expect and were quite surprised with how the whole night turned out! It was PERFECT! Yes, I said it, PERFECT! Ashley was well-mannered the entire night. From Carrabba's to the game -- I couldn't have asked for a more perfect night and can't wait for our next family adventure.

Ashley is exactly one month away from turning FIVE-years old! It's crazy to think that our little girl is only 8 years away from teenage life! It's scary and crazy all at the same time. Life on the Jansky front has slowed down just a bit; however, that can and probably will change in the blink of an eye. We have some shows and events coming our way at Josabi's and we are nailing down all of the details for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This is the reality of my life. I am in constant awe on how fast my days go by. John, Ashley and I have had a whirlwind of a year and it's been great! At the end of the day, we are really just a small family trying to live the American dream. The mom and pop shops of the world do exist and we are living proof! Family is one of the most important aspects in our life and trying to keep this at the forefront can be challenging with all of the long hours that are required with running a business.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It’s Official..and John is slowly but surely okay with it!

On Saturday morning, (8/9/08) Ashley and I decided to have a girl's day out in celebration of my niece's 7th birthday. We picked up Kayla at her house and together decided where to eat lunch and what we should do to celebrate her birthday.

The girls picked Luby's for lunch and then wanted to go to Club Libby Lu's to get their Libby Du's on! So I scheduled their appts. and we headed off to have our special day!

Once we arrived at Libby Lu's, we started our adventure! I decided to throw in the deluxe package as there was no way they could only pick one thing. So they walked around that place with smiles from ear to ear as they continued to fill their bags with trendy, girly stuff. After they picked their stuff, they got dressed as rocker girls and got ready for their rocker du's!

They got their nails painted, their eyes and lips dazzled and then decided they wanted their ears pierced. I chuckled at first and then blurted out, "your dad will be upset if I get your ears pierced." After 10 minutes of persistence from the two girls, I gave in and let them get their ears pierced! They loved it! Ashley's response to the entire process was "That was loud." She was refering to the gun they used to pierce the ears! I almost wondered if she even knew what just happened to her.

We finished up our experience at Libby Lu's and called John to give him the news. He was not happy. In fact, he hung up on me. He said, "She is too young to get her ears pierced." I called my mom to see if that was horrible of me and she said, "better you than me." haha!! THANKS MOM! And then I called my sister. She was actually shocked that Kayla let me do it!

It's been a few days now and John is slowly becoming okay with it. I think he was just a little sad that he wasn't there when it happened. Although, he mentioned that Ashley getting her ears pierced was a special bonding moment between Ashley and me and as we go through life there will be moments that will be shared only between Ashley and myself or Ashley and John and that's okay.

So it's official! Ashley has pierced ears and I really, really can't believe it! They are too cute!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Our Competitive Nature

Last night was Ashley’s first Soccer game. It was the first time she would engage in a competitive environment that was deemed acceptable. For me, it was the next step in Ashley’s childhood. It was everything! So, As I drove half hazardly to Ashley’s game from downtown San Antonio, I honked at NCAA fans, screamed from within my car at all of the Pokie Joes on the road and then chuckled at the fact that I was all stressed out about her first game. Did John bring the camera? Did he grab the juices? Did he put the cute little matching bows I bought for her in her hair and will I actually get to this game before it’s over?

What is it about being a mom that makes us want to be so perfect or be there at every moment? For me, it’s two fold. It’s wanting to provide the very best for my child, ensuring they have every chance at being successful and doing things they really enjoy as well as rekindling similar childhood memories.

Once I finally made it to Ashley’s game, I couldn’t help but be a proud mom. To look at Ashley and see such innocence and pureness was very humbling but also very scary. It is at this age that they can truly have no worries and have a great time regardless of the score at the end of the game. It is during this time that competitiveness doesn’t get the best of them!
So, I took a second to enjoy this moment; this adventure into unchartered waters for I knew that not every day, every moment would be like this! And last but not least, I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that I was now officially a Soccer Mom! -- That is... a soccer mom without a mini-van!

I’ve posted this blog as a "virtual toast" to many, many fun years in this new phase for Ashley, in hopes that she will somehow always retain some of the inncocence she had during her first true competitive experience and continue to be a good sport through the good and the bad.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Pencil Sharpner + Big Bites

Recently, I showed Ashley how to sharpen pencils with a manual pencil sharpner. She did fairly well and I was quite proud of her ability to sharpen pencils. That is...until today when she came around the corner with a bloody finger. She decided to sharpen her finger and cut it really bad! What was even more shocking is that she barely even cried. -- That girl has a high tolerence for pain! Of course, I put the water-proof strawberry shortcake band-aid on before the bleeding actually stopped and so it took forever to get the blood soaked band-aid off of her to stop the bleeding. John laughed at me for being so goofy with how I handled the situation.
Did I mention she also has a double ear infection!

Also, while celebrating John's 33rd birthday at Carrabba's, Ashley started to choke on a big bite of Fettucini Alfredo. This time was no laughing matter (nor is any other time, but this was the worst we've encountered to date). Although it felt like a long time, it was really only seconds and her face was terrifying to watch. Thank god for instincts as my knee jerk reaction was to take my pointer finger and swipe it through her mouth to open up the area and wipe out the food while John patted her back. A large amount of food came out and was dripping all over my hand and her plate. What a scary moment. We got her a new plate and I washed my hands in the bathroom. After that it was all good!

Friday, February 15, 2008

I’ll be up in the Gym just workin’ on my Fitness!

This is a continous blog I'm doing to track the ups and downs of becoming a more, healthy person. If you're interested, please read. I'm not doing it to please people or ramble on about myself, rather I'm doing it to motivate myself as well as others who may be in the same situation as myself.

Start at Bottom and read up!

Lost Count (April 29) - I bet your wondering what happen to poor little ole' Robin. Well, I never actually stopped working out. I just stopped updating my blog. I'm back on track (with the blog) and I'm more determined now than ever before. Since quitting my full-time job, I've been able to make working out my job. For the most part, I work out at least four times per week for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. I switched gyms and now go to the one closest to my house. This also meant that I had to get a new trainer. I really like him! He's like a military drill instructor - HARDCORE! He's staying on top of me like white on rice and quite honestly, this is what I need. I've also started this new workout system. It's called Cardio 360 and it's a 10 week course designed for weight loss. I do this four times per week for one hour. The workout is designed around my heart rate and so yes, I wear this dorky heart rate monitor around my chest! What is really cool is that the treadmill picks it up and so I monitor it this way. This program makes walking/running on a treadmill less monotonous and more fun! With this program, I should be in good shape come Cabo -- I HOPE!

DAY 18 (February 14) - I was glad to be back in the gym today. For some reason, it's my place of sanity. When all is a mess at work and the stress is out of control, I just drop it all, grab my bags and literally run to the gym. Yesterday, we were back to the grind. I only did a few lines of lunges. Not too bad...although it did burn at the end. I almost wish I worked out with a trainer five days a week. It so much easier to do when you have to be accountable to someone. At any rate, I'm still having fun. I'm not seeing results but hey as John always says "Rome wasn't built in a Day". Guess I'll just keep moving forward. Cabo 2008 Here I come!

DAY 17 (February 12) - It feels like light years since the last time I worked out; however, it was less than 12 hours ago! Crazy, I know. I'm still diggin' the training sessions but only wished they lasted longer than 30 minutes. It seems like we do three to four different sets of three and "bam" just like that it's done! I'm supposed to be doing intense cardio on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays but it's not working out as planned! -- When I'm busy at work, I come home and just collapse to the floor! I don't understand how sitting at a desk all day can make someone sooooo tired, but it does! -- I totally enjoy my job but hate the toll it takes on me and my body! WHY? WHY? WHY? -- I was shocked today when we actually finished my training session and I managed to get away without doing lunges! I failed to mention it to my trainer at the time. I'm sure we'll be back to the grind in no time! -- Thursday, here we come!

DAY 16 (February 9) - So Ashley stayed at my sister's house last night and I was able to hop up this morning and do a little workout on the elliptical. It was fairly painless and over very quickly! Onward and Upward!

DAY 15 (February 7) - I'm so exhausted and my week at the office was pretty intense! It's always hard coming back when you've been out the week before. Today I worked out with the trainer. I'm getting used to his tactics although today I had to tell him that I was really hating him at the moment! It's those lunges he has me doing! They are very intense...especially since he always adds some sort of arms component to it. Today, I had to hold an 8 pound ball straight above my head while lunging across the gym floor! UGH!! It hurt so bad and it burned like never before! -- He laughed though and said it was okay for me to hate him for a short period of time! And since I was too tired the day before and didn't do my workout, I did some cardio on the elliptical at home. I used to think that an elliptical hung the moon. Now, I'm not so sure! I'm actually digging a treadmill more at the moment. My mom has been trying to get me to trade me for her treadmill...I might just take her up on it! -- Not a forever trade but maybe just a for a little while trade. We'll see! So I think changes are in store for me. It appears as though my muffin top is thinnin' out on the sides! WOOHOO!!!

DAY 14 (February 5) - It's been a really, really long week! I can't even begin to remember what I did on Tuesday. I do know it involved some lunges and a hamstring burning exercise! onward and upward my friends!

DAY 13 (February 4) - So my trainer gave me this new workout schedule. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are filled with Cardio! YAY! and Tuesdays and Thursdays are with him. So I ended the day with a moderate cardio workout. Ashley and John watched and then I played Barbies and put together a puzzle with Ashley of the fifty states. She knows where Georgia, California, Florida, Texas and Montana are the map!

DAY 12 (February 2) - The travel last week changed my workout schedule a bit so I had to schedule sessions on Friday and Saturday! It was hard but I'm glad I carried through with them. This morning we started with simple lunges! Back to the basics with this guy! -- I'm glad though, working out on Saturday mornings are tough. I got to do sumo squats today. YAY! ---- Okay that's a sarcastic yay! He kept telling me to use my hips...I'm not sure he's noticed but I don't really have hips! It's really just fat! haha!! I mean if I had the hips that most girls had I'd probably would have had Ashley naturally vs. via C-section. I mean I pushed for hours but these non-child birthing hips just didn't work. O-well...maybe once I start peeling back the layers to this onion (or cupcake body), I'll be able to show him that I really didn't have hips afterall! haha!! My body's achin' and I still haven't seen results. Maybe by Christmas I might actually lose some weight! -- I guess I'll have to start with cutting out the five cokes I have everyday! :)

DAY 11 (February 1) - I'm glad to be back in SA, although things are pretty hectic around here! It isn't everyday that I get a surprise visit from my brother and his little girls! At any rate, the workout sessions keep moving forward and today was a BIOTCH! -- We started with lunges of course and today worked on a new move which really focused on the hamstrings!! Can you say OUCH?

DAY 10 (January 29) - So today I woke up in sunny Glendale, CA. To stay on track, I had planned to workout while away on business. I woke up to a phone call from my sister and then proceeded to get up and get my workout clothes on! I headed to the gym at the hotel at about 6:30 and to my surprise, the place was packed! I kept my eye on a cardio machine and ended up with one fairly quickly...others weren't so lucky! I worked out for thirty minutes and then got ready for the day! Nothing too intense but just enough to "Keep Moving Forward"! I plan on working out tomorrow too...we'll see! I'm quite exhausted from the brainstorming and the Teambuilding task we did today -- Although the Mall Madness Amazing Race task was a lot of fun!!! -- I'm thinking we ought to try this in SA! I'm ready to get in bed and watch The Biggest Loser! -- I miss my John and Ashley! - Two more days until I'm home again!

DAY 9 (January 25) - Because of my hectic schedule for the next few weeks, I managed to allow myself to workout on Friday! It wouldn't be so bad, but I don't work at the office on Friday, so traveling 30 minutes to the downtown gym is not ideal! At any rate, I headed out there and did an intense workout with the trainer! They were totally playing chick music and so I was having a hard time getting into it! I mean who wants to listen to Evanessence or Norah Jones while they are working out? I did a ton more lunges today followed by some Military squats. I think my legs are getting used to the trainers tactics...but my arms...whew that's another story! -- My trainer put the "P" in pain this week! My arms hurt so bad afterwards, I had to just lay them straight out when I was sleeping. It felt like someone put a turnicate on my arm so the blood wouldn't flow to my fingers or hands! That was it for the week in terms of training. I'm still shocked because I'm working out and looking at what I eat and yet I've gained 5 pounds! WHAT? Stay Tuned!

DAY 8 (January 22) - I headed to the gym just before 11am to start yet another session with my trainer. I ran to the gym, changed into my workout clothes and headed out there hoping the pain from this workout wouldn't carry over into Wednesday! -- So we started out with Lunges..Yeah..that was a surprise. Not really! Although he did throw in a kicker this time! I call it that because it literally KICKED my Arse! This time I did lunges with 15 pound weights on each side. As I lunged, I had to lift the weights! OUCH! At any rate, I woke up the next day and my muscles didn't hurt! YAY! I may not be seeing drastic changes, but man that was an achievement in itself.

DAY 7 (January 19th) - I managed to get over the pain I was feeling from the other day and hopped on the Eliptical I have at my house. I worked out for 30 minutes. John and Ashley just watched as I sweated away. They were also watching VH1's top 20 countdown and Carebears. Ashley danced a little to Natasha Beddingfields new hit song and John was curious as to how Jordin Sparks was doing since her American Idol days. It was a very light workout but good for the soul. Let's just say, It's keeping me motivated!

DAY 6 (January 16th) - Can you say T-I-R-E-D! My trainer mentioned he loved lunges and boy does he! I can barely walk and I'll definitely stay away from stairs for awhile! Otherwise, I might tumble down and be out of commission for a long time! -- I'm excited..I still haven't seen any changes...Although hope is still on the up and up!! -- My eating habits are still bad! -- I'm thinking I'll try to start improving this next week. Stay Tuned.

DAY 5 (January 15th) - Today was my first scheduled session with the trainer. It started with a set back at work. I was in a training session at work and was 30 minutes late to getting started. Nevertheless, the first day is all about goals, measurement and preparation. After the what do you want to be when you grow up part....I worked out for a short 10 minutes and then headed back to work. I thought I'd take it easy as I'm sure the next 30 workouts won't be very light! Stay Tuned!

DAY 4 (January 14th) - I made it through another workout! My fourth one of the month! I can't believe it! Aimee tried to talk me out of it but I didn't let her. In fact, she ended up working out on the eliptical longer than anticipated. It could have been that our conversation made us forget that we were working out!! Those are the best kind. Tomorrow is my first day with the trainer. I told him he is now accountable for my body and I must be in a two piece come July! We'll see what happens! Stay tuned!
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This past week was the beginning on my path to change. On Monday, my friend Aimee and I decided to change our fitness habits and get a fresh start on the New Year. We kicked this off by adding the downtown Spectrum to our gym membership so that we could start working out during lunch. This change will not only keep my time free in the evening to spend with John and Ashley, but it will also cut down on my lunch-time spending habits.

DAY 1 (January 8) - On Tuesday, we decided to start our first exercise of the New Year with Boot Camp!! -- WOW, was this a mistake! In the first five minutes, we went up six flights of stairs, did sprints and managed to go back down six flights of stairs. We lasted a good 15 minutes and then had to call it quits! What was I thinking? We finished off with Cardio and then called it quits for the day.

DAY 2 (January 9) - We approached Wednesday with a little bit more caution, opting for a 15-minute sit-ups class and some light cardio.

DAY 3 (January 10) - With the goal of not giving up and completing something I start, I decided to challenge myself to another BOOT CAMP class. This time we exercised in the park where the homeless meet everyday to do what, who knows? We ran, did sprints, jumping jacks, push-ups, sit ups, and dips and all awhile received tons of encouragement from the homeless. It was ironic to be surrounded by people with so much encouragement for me and so engaged in what I was doing and yet they have nothing. At any rate, I finished the entire class and was very proud of myself. Although, my muscles are still aching!

I've yet to see change and know it takes time so I'm far from giving up. If you're interested, take a journey with me as I continue to track my progress and jot down the high moments and challenges I encounter on my road to finally finding the healthy Robin I used to be!