Forgive and Forget.....Not so much!

As school ended this past year, we simply put in a request for Ashley to be in a class with as little of the same classmates as possible from this year.  Our idea was that it would give Ashley a little more time to mature and the classmates time to forgive and forget.  The teacher didn't seem too concerned and in fact said, "oh, she will be fine."

Well....It's August and Ashley ran into a classmate today at the pool.  She didn't even stand a chance.  We walked through the gate and already three girls were running away saying there she is and then proceeded by don't follow us Ashley. This was heart wrenching.  More than sixty days had gone by and Ashley was still greeted with a pool full of rejection!  It's tough to think about, it's tough to write about and even more tough to watch!

John couldn't stand to watch it either....and as it continued, he said, "I'm going under water....this is too hard to watch." I just looked away.  For all, rejection is a hard pill to swallow and it took everything in me not to cry.

So I hopped out of the pool and sat there and thought...thought about the reasons Ashley has little to no social skills, thought about the many things and times we have tried to provide her with the skills she needs and then continued to wonder why can't she retain them and use them to make friends.

My hope is that one day there will be a person who understands that Ashley's intentions are not to be harmful, but rather it's the only way she knows, it is who she is and her end result is the same as others: she just wants to be loved and to love!  She's caring, she's nurturing, she likes similar things as those her own age and just wants to be a part of a social environment.

On a positive note, I believe there was a bit of a lesson learned today.  Ashley was able to recognize the rejection and dealt with it by moving on.  Although she didn't cry or complain, we saw some slight emotions from her and for her...this was a step in the right direction.  Being able to feel these emotions might be her way of telling us that she is beginning to understand some parts of this social game.

Shopping for Shoes is like Walking Barefoot on a Hot Sandy Beach

Shopping for shoes for you is no easy task!  You don't like to wear socks, you can't stand to tie your shoes and if allowable you would wear flip flops or go barefoot to each and every place you travel.
Additionally, the inside of every shoe must be seemless, soft and smooth.  It can't be too snug or too loose.

So....with all of this in mind, I tried to take you shoe shopping, so you could pick a style, a texture, a SHOE....any SHOE!  You said, "No, you didn't want to go." So.....unwillingly, I went and didn't know where to start.  I thought you were a 1 and after day 1 figured out you are not a size 1 nor a size 13.  You are a size 12 1/2 or size 12.

After days and days of shopping for shoes, I have bought 7 pairs of which 3 have been returned.  One pair is still too large; however, is a keeper and will stay in the closet until your foot grows.  The other pairs include a dressy flip flop, a hannah montanah tennis (you can wear without socks and does not have any shoe strings), and a ROXY blue & white canvas slip on.

I still don't think we found the perfect shoe but for now, they will have to work.  Never in a million years did I ever think that shopping for shoes could be this exhausting!  It is!  So get some rest and be prepared because next time....you are coming with me!

The POWER of YOU!

Today had me realizing how powerful you can truly be.  You walked into the basketball camp, moments after Antonio Daniels had started talking with the campers.  Everyone was lined up by age in a row captivated by what he had to say.  You wanted to be a part of this moment but didn't know where to go.  So with confidence you walked straight up to Antonio and tapped on his hip.  You said, "Excuse me, I'm here to attend a basketball camp." He looked at you and said, "really?  That's great because we are too." He then showed you where to go.  All the campers and parents were oohing and ahhhing!  You had just captivated the entire audience!  I could hear parents in the background saying, "oh how cute, how adorable."

I had a smile, then let out a chuckle and then a thought: WOW!  If you only knew! After that moment, I decided I would stick around for just a few minutes more!  I contemplated talking with your coach to discuss the challenges we have but instead decided to hide so you would not see me.  For a moment, I wanted to see you as others see you and feel what others feel when they meet you for the first time!

As Antonio continued to talk, you innocently captivated the entire audience once again.  This time, it was because you were playing with the round rubber circle used to mark the line for your age group. And Antonio (still smiling), came over to you again.  Of course, hiding in the back, I scooched to the front to see what was happening.  I missed it and squatted next to a mom to find out the scoop.  She leaned over and said, "this cute little girl was playing with the circle piece on the floor!  She's so cute!  Is she yours?"  And eagerly so, I said YES!

So as I drove home, I pondered these short little moments and thought about how much GREAT moments like these mean to a family like us.  For just these five minutes, you were able to CAPTIVATE and receive positive attention from those around you!  The POWER of your smile, the CUTENESS of your demeanor, and the INNOCENCE in your voice make me want to remember you this way FOREVER!

You ARE powerful little miss ashley!  You ARE great! You ARE captivating and AMAZING!  And if you remember the feeling of these moments, the ones where you receive positive attention, you will soon see that making the right choices and doing things the right way, even though it is sometimes the harder or longer way can bring on even more great moments and feelings! 

Campers Running to their Spots!

It's only Monday morning.....but I got a feeling -- this is gonna be your best camp yet!  So go get'em and have fun!  Be funny, be daring, be caring, and most of all be yourself!

Ooh Child things are gonna get easier, Ooh Child things will get brighter

These are the words echoing from my mom's mouth each time I tell a story about Ashley. She's been saying this for years and I have to admit things appear to be easier; however, it's days like these that make me wonder if things will ever really get easier.

Oh Ashley, WOW...You've done it again! My emotions are like a sea-saw. Tonight, I laughed so hard I cried and cried so hard the tears wouldn't stop! You are so full of life, so full of laughter, so beautiful and so charming! You do something so extraordinary or unexpected on a daily basis and the things you do create unique, unexplainable mind-blowing moments! In the movies, moments like the ones you create win actors Academy Awards but in real life it's different.

Getting the call from the camp counselor was unfortunately expected as we never leave our phones when you are away at a camp; but what we heard next was unexpected and had us laughing so hard we cried!

Today you decided to have a blast in the bathroom! You put your shorts, socks & shoes in the toilet and told the camp counselors they fell in by themselves. When I arrived, you told me you had so much fun jumping up and down in the toilet making the water splash out! You even walked me to the bathroom with a smile the size of Texas to show me the water surrounding the toilet. Once we got to "the stall" you explained to me how the toilet you used was made of metal and the color silver.

You then looked at me and asked me if you were in trouble. I asked you if you thought there should be a consequence and you said, "yes, what it is it?" I suggested that you have to wash your own clothes today and you said, "yes, that's awesome!" and then proceeded to say, "thanks mom, for not taking away my TV." Once we got in the car, I took away your favorite TV show and you were happy it wasn't your second favorite TV show, Sponge bob.

I am still trying to figure out how to handle this situation and want so badly to be upset with you but can't seem to have that emotion. From this one incident alone, I can see that you see the world in a positive way. When something is lost, you can still see the positive. You are fearless. You are an outside-of-the-box thinker and constantly push the limits, the barriers!

For now.....we will just have to wait and see.... although, I'm pretty sure.....things will get brighter!

Girl Scout Cookies, Banana Smoothie, I love my mom & Rumpelstiltskin

You may never guess what these words mean; however, I'm pretty sure you will guess who blurts this out two-to-three times a day: Ashley! The nine most random words, Girl Scout Cookies, Banana Smoothie, I love my mom - have the same meaning as raising the white flag, giving up, surrendering! They simply end the seconds upon seconds of tickling that happen each and every day in the jansky household! However, this surrender phrase only works when I am tickling Ashley! When John is in tickle mode, she has to remember to use their surrender phrase, which is Rumpelstiltskin.

Tickling in our family was and is to this date one of my fondest childhood memories! I can still remember lying on the floor of my living room in our house on bowling brook, with my hands under my back and my legs stiff as a board just waiting for my dad to tickle me! Our goal was to stay as still as possible and contain or withhold our laugh for as long as we could stand it. My dad would do a claw-like movement with his hand and a "wah, wah, wah, wah" with his voice. My brothers and sister called it, "the claw." We'd laugh for hours at each other and try to have the longest time without laughing when it was our turn! I don't ever remember getting past a couple of seconds.

With Ashley, we have also introduced "the claw" and she even loves the wah, wah, wah, wah sound! The surrender phrase changes often and gets funnier and funnier as time goes on! It's truly a time of unexplainable bursts of laughter and memories of good times and fun!

We're an overnight sensation (Sarcastic Comment)

The Lauryn Hill concert on Friday night left us all standing there in awe as we saw how an artist of that statue showed no accountability to anyone, not even her fans! She showed up drastically late and left the promoter and Josabi's reputation hanging out on a limb to be destroyed with each minute that passed until she hit the stage.

We had no time to look back as we had to prepare for another amazing concert on Saturday night with the band, Blue October. After countless hours of preparation, I finally took a moment to stand up on the balcony and watch Blue October entertain the 1700 fans attending Josabi's that night.

It wasn't until the band sang Jump Rope, a song they wrote about childhood and life in general, that it all finally sank in and my eyes began to tear up! The Jansky family was an overnight sensation and it only took 12 years to get there! As I've stated in a status post on facebook, I don't think anyone truly knows how much work and time is spent preparing for days like these! Although magical like, it didn't all start at 7:00pm when the doors opened, rather it all started 12 years ago, when my then boyfriend, Mr. John Jansky walked into Lucy's Retired Surfers bar on Sixth street in Austin, TX.

Getting your foot in the door of the music industry is no walk in the park. John earned his way in by working for free at Lucy's booking bands! From there, we moved from Austin, to San Marcos and then finally back to San Antonio where he continued to spend hours upon hours building relationships, learning the industry and all the while being a family man!

The Quote above our front door reads this, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take!" And for us and everyone in life this is so true! Pursuing our dreams was not easy but had we never tried, we would never have known what this moment while standing on the balcony with 1700 fans ever felt like! Life is like a jump rope and along the way there have been many ups and downs, successes and failures and I wouldn't trade it for a thing!

For all of you who have supported us along the way, I want to say thank you! We are very fortunate to have your support! And for John, thank you for always pursuing your dreams! I have and always will believe in you! You are a wonderful father, husband and friend!

And for those who have yet to attend an adventure at Josabi's land, please come check us out!

Girl you're amazing...just the way you are!

Dear Ashley,

August, September, October, November.....these months have passed us in the blink of an eye. It was just yesterday we were planning your Halloween outfit and eagerly awaiting our October shows. Now we're talking about turkey, dressing and making a turkey project from the outline of your hand.

Your front teeth are dropping perfectly in place and you are growing up on us right before our eyes. In less than a month, you will be 7 years old. You are still amazingly strong-willed; however, your maturity is somewhat kicking in and you're realizing that you're not always right and that you really don't know everything there is to know about life.

You still smile all the time and keep us smiling as well. You sing like no other and dance like no other. You recently found photobooth, a software created by Apple that allows your creativity to flow and it is the one thing I resort back to when needing a laugh or two.

TV is still the center of your world!