Lately, life as I know it is just a mess! I am a ball of emotion when it comes to the reactions I get from the actions of our daughter. She is all things you want in an adult and nothing her peers, teachers, school, or sitters want in a child. She is outgoing, independent (yet cuddly), ambitious, a leader, a decision maker, a communicator and very, very energetic. Her greatest weakness is that she wants to make and define the rules not follow them.
Every week is like a roller coaster ride except we don't know which direction we'll be taking. As a mom, I try to take the good with the bad, balance out the weaknesses for all the positives and strengths our daughter has, but with each passing day I find it harder and harder to do. We are bombarded with the negatives on a daily basis.
Hope is right in front of me and while I don't want to find an excuse for my daughters defiant behavior, I just want validation that what is going on is not because of a lack of leadership or poor parenting from John and me.
I am not a stonewall mom. I don't have tough skin and I don't know how to cope with rejection/judgement placed on myself or my family. I am a sponge and have always been a sponge. I soak up the emotions and feelings of my friends, families and strangers hoping that in some way I am relieving them of their pain and in return I am filled with tears of sadness. Today mostly, I am filled with tears of sadness for Ashley.
Am I over-reacting? Have I put too much pressure on my daughter, my husband and myself to fit the mold of society and worry about social acceptance? Should I care? Will it change her/our path? Sometimes I think I need to suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself and for Ashley and consider this: Is Ashley happy? -- The Answer: Ashley is happy every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every year!
I know this is just a moment in time where uncertainty has taken over. I am bent not broken! As with other things in my life, this time of sadness and doubt will pass.
1 comment:
Robin, of all those qualities you mentioned, NONE of them are negative. Look, I was the same way. Honestly. I almost got kicked out of kindergarten and I am not even exaggerating. It took me a long time, but by about the 3rd grade, I got it. It is MUCH easier to try and tone down a feisty kid, than it is to try and get a kid with no fire to be feisty about soemthing. I am sure that Ashley will figure out, with both of her wonderful parents guiding her along the way, how to channel the qualities she has in a POSITIVE, instead of a DEFIANT manner. TRUST ME, I am dealing with the same issues in my oldest. Everything is questioned, he has an opinion on every topic, and he wants to RUN THE SHOW at all times and ARGUES about it ALL. It ain't easy. You are a great mom though, and you WILL figure it out!
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