With Open Eyes

I cried all night and every time I thought about your future, I cried a little more.  I spent hours reading reviews online in regards to the medicine the doctor had just prescribed.  I want to trust him and give you the medicine so you can be your very best but at the same time, I want to trust my gut and not give you any of it.

If I could turn back the clock, I would've never given you medicine at such a young age.  It changed you. It changed us.  In desperation to end the judging we were receiving we succumbed to the pressure and put you on medicine.  Daddy cried the entire day on the day the doctor recommended it to us.  He was mad at the doctor, mad at the medicine and mad at me for filling the prescription.

Everyday I wonder if there will ever be a day where medicine is no longer needed.  I wonder what is happening to your body and I am fearful of the longterm effects it will have on you and your adult life.

For now, I have to trust that what the doctor is recommending is the best choice for you.  I am hopeful.  You've now been on this medicine for a week and so far it seems to be having a positive effect on you.  You're smiling from cheek to cheek like you did before you had your seizures.  You eat a lot more and sleep more but you seem genuinely happy.  I am happy for you.  I am happy to see the real smiles and real emotions you somehow lost along the way.

I know it's tough right now.  We will push through and we will always be here for you. You are a shining star and one of a kind.

We love you!!!

Here's your favorite song at the moment and it's fitting for what we are working through.

Look around, it's dead at night
You've been losing every fight
Your hope is, feeling broken
Your feet are rough, they're scraped and bruised
But still have strength to take you through,
Into,
The dark

Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a shadow in sight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes

At the beach, the waves will crash
Tuck and grab and pull you back
The sun may, be covered in gray
The sand will itch, itself may burn
Hurricane will take it's turn
Until,
The dawn

Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a storm insight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes

So close your eyes, shut them tight
Let it be, and it will fade away (fade away)
Push on though the strength in you
Let it be, and wish it all away (all away)

With open eyes,
Open wide,
It's all good now, watch it fade away,
Day by day

Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a storm insight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes.