Will I have a face in Heaven?

Today, I feel broken.  I am sad and angry!  I thought I found peace with the fact that you are different, that your social skills might never be to the likes of those around you and that your life may not be what I had in mind but rather what God has in mind. 

Nope. Not today, not yesterday or the day before!

I struggle with myself on a daily basis to find the right balance for you, to play to your strengths, build your confidence and provide the tools necessary so you will be successful in life.

It's been a rough couple of weeks for US.  Rejection, defiance, regret, remorse, sadness, and hopelessness are all of the things I have felt.  Why is it that I can't realize the potential of you at all times and the strengths, the love and the powerful spirit you embody?  Why is it that when I start to feel these things, I allow a mom at a basketball practice or a child at a girl scout meeting to change the way I feel?  It's a tough question for me to answer.  And one, I believe many would have a hard time answering as well. 

As the tears rolled down my face these past few weeks, it was you Ashley (and John) who consoled me and told me everything would be ok and not to cry.  It was your strength of caring that saddened me even more as this is suppose to be my job!

You are our warrior, our free spirit and a nurturing soul!  And at my saddest point you are always able to bring a smile on my face.  And tonight's smile came from a place of innocence and a place of sweetness....for Tonight, you asked me what heaven looked like and then proceeded it with "Will I have a face in heaven? I hope so."

I REALLY do love you for you Ashley!  I always have and always will!  I do not wish to change you but instead help you see your potential!  Our little day-to-day conversations fill me with joy and happiness.  I love hearing about the lessons you are learning in school, the person you asked to be your friend that day and the way you light up when you say you want to Marry Gage when you grow up.  I love it when you shake your booty to your favorite song, when you jump up in the air because I ironed on a patch on your girl scout sash and how you hold up two 40% off Justice coupons and tell me you get $80 to spend.

I love it when you ask for bread free toast (cinnamon toast), or when you lose tv and then ask if that means all electronics.  I love it when you tell me it's the best day ever even though you say it at least three times a week and I really, really love it when you snuggle up with me and tell me you love me!